Daily Dose of Common Sense

Here are some more absurd product warnings and instructions.

Cardboard windshield sun shade:
Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.

Infant’s bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use in shower.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

Hand-held Massaging Device:
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Too much, too soon. That’s my reaction to this ad from The Gap:

Actually, I’m not ready for holiday cheer. Not this early, and certainly not with this much enthusiasm. This ad makes me think I’ll never feel cheery again.

Can we just get to Thanksgiving without the holiday hoopla? We know gift-buying season is right around the corner and stores count on consumers opening their wallets to make their year-end profits (especially this year). But, with some stores putting out holiday decorations in August, we’re already feeling creeped out. Give us some space, retailers!

Here are some of our favorite brief Web stories from this week.

Some people had common sense.

• In order to avoid the chaos and tragedy of recent years, many stores have revamped their Black Friday policies. For example, Walmart stores will remain open Thanksgiving night and into Friday morning to prevent a 5AM stampede.
• You may feel, like me, that rude people abound these days. Well, one woman is fighting back, one intervention at a time.
• Kellogg’s has decided to stop bragging that Cocoa Krispies build a child’s immunity. Added vitamins were the company’s defense, but they have now rethought the marketing language after complaints about promoting a sugary cereal as a health benefit.
• Facebook prevented a 19-year old man from going to jail. Arrested as a suspect in a crime, the man was able to prove he wasn’t guilty by the time on his Facebook status update. Social media to the rescue!

And, some did not.

• A Florida man called 911 looking for sex. FOUR times. He said it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes. What the WHAT?
• A 24-year old Texas woman lied about having breast cancer in order to get implants. She shaved her head and held a benefit, then spent the money raised on breast implants. Look out, honey. The karma train can be a bitch.
• Three words: Michael Jackson seance.

Think you can carry on that snow globe you bought while on your trip? Think again. The TSA will not allow snow globes to be carried on any flight because they can’t measure how much liquid is inside.

So, even if your snow globe fits in your quart bag with all your other small liquid items, the TSA is likely to confiscate it. Your precious memories must suffer for the TSA’s ineptness.

Some people are confused about what’s defined as a liquid or gel, [Transportation Security Administration spokesman Dwayne] Baird said.

“If you can pour it, pump it, squeeze it, spread it, smear it, spray it or spill it, it’s considered a liquid or gel.”

What about a small snow globe with less than three ounces of liquid sloshing about?

“I would think they would just say ‘no,’ because they can’t really determine how many ounces are in there,” Baird said.

A snow globe. Has it gotten that bad? Do we really think this makes us safer?

Via BoingBoing

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The answer, of course, is no.

Today is the third Friday the 13th in 2009, the most times that combination can possibly occur in one year. It’s rumored that millions of people postpone surgeries or travel on this day, and many are frightened that something bad will happen to them today. Is it true? Are many people paralyzed with fear over Friday the 13th?

It appears not.

…in Chicago, for example, neither O’Hare International Airport nor United Airlines has noticed any drop in the number of people flying on Friday the 13th.

“It’s an old wives’ tale,” said United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski in an e-mail.

The same goes for two of the biggest hospitals in the city–Northwestern Memorial Hospital and the University of Chicago Medical Center–where it appears people are just as likely go to go under the knife that day as any other, and aren’t rushing to the doctor, either.

And, investors don’t care, either. Friday the 13th is typically a good day for the stock market.

So, don’t let the superstition get to you. Travel, invest, and plan events for today as you would any other day. That’s what most of us are doing, anyway. As Stevie Wonder said,

When you believe in things
That you don’t understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way

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Stupid haircut? Yes, for sure.

But, worthy of getting suspended from school? Not even close.

This boy was suspended from a Cincinnati middle school because the school deemed the haircut as violating its “extreme and distracting hairstyles” code. The student is a Bengals fan and wanted to show his team spirit.

What kind of world are we living in where we refuse children the right to have any hairstyle or haircut they want? I had a mullet in middle school. For SURE that look should have been banned somehow. (I still have to live with the photos to this day.) Perhaps the school should realize that the future shame will be enough punishment for this haircut.

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We have now learned that most of us are too lazy to even fast-forward through the commercials in our recorded programs. The NY Times said:

According to Nielsen, 46 percent of viewers 18 to 49 years old for all four networks taken together are watching the commercials during playback, up slightly from last year.

Even the networks are flabbergasted:

“It’s completely counterintuitive,” said Alan Wurtzel, the president of research for NBC.

Apparently, everyone over-estimated us. Experts say TV is a passive activity, which accounts for the reason why viewers sit through ads when they don’t have to.

I watch a lot of TV in the background while doing other things. Therefore, I’m not paying attention to either the show OR the commercials. You say waste of electricity; I say pleasant background noise. But, if I’m really watching a show (perhaps a 30 Rock or Mad Men episode), you better believe I skip the annoying commercials.

So, wake up and don’t waste your time! Skip the ads in your recorded shows. On average, you’ll save 18 minutes during each hour. It may not sound like a lot at first, but here are some suggestions on how to spend an extra 20 minutes in your day. (Write your own obituary? Really?)

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“Every meal includes kid sized American fries & choice of kids drink.” Really, Johnny Rockets?

I know the “freedom fries” and “American fries” trend started as a backlash against the French for not supporting us in Iraq. And, we all know how that turned out. We’ve now learned that there were no weapons of mass destruction, despite what we were led to believe by the Bush administration. So, can we drop the xenophobia already?

I know them as French fries. You know them as French fries. “American” fries just sounds silly. And fattening. At least with “French” thrown in there, I forget about the possibility of obesity as I’m cramming them in my pie hole.

Crazy cat ladies, beware. If you live in Dudley, Massachusetts, you’ll need to get a special license to own more than three cats.

One woman there is responsible for the new law. She owns fifteen cats, and they’re tearing up the neighborhood. Literally. She’s being charged a $100-a-day fine, and is looking to move to more cat-friendly digs.

To be a responsible pet owner, you have to be able to properly care for animals, which isn’t cheap. Shots, medicine, flea prevention, food…the list goes on and on. This also means you have to clean up after the pets, bathe them, and keep them from being a public menace. That’s where a lot of crazy too-many-cat owners get into trouble.

I suppose it’s a judgement call to determine how many is “too many” cats. But, when you reach double digits, common sense dictates that you need to reexamine your priorities.

Here are some of our favorite brief Web stories from this week.

Some people had common sense.

• Science-Based Medicine has a great article on the dangers of homebirth with a midwife. It is the most dangerous form of planned birth in the U.S. As a friend on Twitter said, “Get to the hospital, hippy!”
• In an effort to encourage Californians not to drive so much, pay-as-you-drive insurance plans will now be offered there. If you’ve ever experienced their traffic, any reasonable measure to get fewer cars on the road gets a thumbs up.
• A Wisconsin woman called 911 to report herself as a drunk driver. She said she didn’t want to hurt anyone. We realize she never should have gotten behind the wheel in the first place, but at least she wised up. Most drunk drivers don’t have the cajones to report themselves; instead, they take their chances on the road.
• The two greatest SNL hosts ever–Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin–take over hosting duties for the 2010 Oscars. Smart choice by the producers, who must know that the show format is stale, stale, stale. Here’s hoping for a “Pete’s Schweatty Balls” sketch on awards night.

And, some did not.

• A company has released a $100 mobile device that connects only to Twitter. It doesn’t make phone calls or let you retrieve emails. Only Twitter. In case you didn’t know, you can get an iPhone at these prices, which will give you a whole lot more functionality.
• 53% of Maine voters denied gays the same rights as heterosexuals. Hey, Maine, you think gay marriage is immoral? Blag Hag said it best: Know what else is an abomination, Maine? Lobster.
• Because the airline industry is doing so well, United says “no” to track suits in first class. Shouldn’t they just be grateful that anyone can afford to buy a first class ticket these days?
• A man repeatedly saw Jesus’ image on his truck window. While many look to this as a sign, we think he just needs to wash his truck more often.