Daily Dose of Common Sense

Today’s post is courtesy of Cherie Strand, an occupational therapist and world traveler from Idaho.

Just because a hotel SERVES breakfast does not mean it is your home kitchen.

My family has the opportunity to travel quite a bit because we live in the witness protection program in rural Idaho. Well, maybe not the WPP, but we do live about 3 hours away from an airport, Target, Walmart, Costco and doctors. (No kidding.) So, we do frequent overnight trips to stock up on things.

We love that many hotels have a hot breakfast included in the stay. Many are very well apportioned–everything from cheese omelets, bacon, hot and cold cereal, pastries, waffles, fresh fruit, yogurt, etc. Budget hotels have moved way beyond the stale danish that they used to offer. And, this is especially nice for families as it saves the time and money of taking kids to a “real” restaurant.

On the flip side, over the past 12 years, we have noticed more and more people take this breakfast offer a little too casually. Some folks appear in the breakfast area in their pajamas, hair completely uncombed (clearly) and often without shoes (despite signs saying proper attire and footwear required). It used to be just small kids that looked as if they were plucked straight from bed and brought down to the communal breakfast. Now, it is the entire family.

Whether it’s 7 AM or 9:30 AM, it is common now to see a grown man and woman with their three or four children, all still in PJs, slippers (or barefoot) and looking exactly as if they rolled out of bed and came right on down to the breakfast area. The rest of us try to keep down our breakfasts while treated to what these folks really look like without any semblance of morning hygiene–no imagination necessary! It is not as if we are eating at 5 AM and expecting everyone to be there in suits (which, incidentally IS the case because the business men and women are up early, dressed, and ready to go).

So, would you waltz into a restaurant like that? (Well, yes, because I have seen that too, but mostly from teenagers and college kids.) I do NOT want to see you or your family with bed head, pajamas, bare feet or ratty slippers. It takes about 10 minutes to get kids up and pull their hair back and get dressed yourself. You can even use your room coffeemaker in the meantime to have a cup of coffee to get geared up for all that work it takes just to put on regular clothing. Asking for a little courtesy while strangers are eating breakfast doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it?

I don’t want to see your toe jam while I’m trying to eat my jam on toast.

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Today’s guest post is from long-time commuter Lance Gerhart.

I have been riding the commuter rail for over ten years and have witnessed some great ways of annoying fellow riders and conductors. Here is a guide to become “that person” that the rest of us talk about. To be a complete tool on the rails, follow these ten simple suggestions:

1. Pretend you have no concept of what a train does
Be sure to jump the gap between the platform and the train like it’s a ten foot wide crevasse. And, take your time preparing for the leap. Make sure there are at least 8 people waiting for you to get on the train.

2. Once on the train, pretend you are lost
Really think about whether you want to go left or go right, because apparently it makes all the difference in the world.

3. Duck and stare
Always stop before walking down the steps and peer to see if a seat is calling your name. Make sure to give the people behind you enough time to get a good look at your ass. Then, turn around like you want to go elsewhere, but change your mind at the last second. Proceed to where you were staring in the first place.

4. Make yourself look as big as possible
Find a seat with lots of space and sit right in the middle. Spread your legs and maybe even put your bag next to you–some people might think the bag is a small dog (or even a midget) and will not attempt to sit with you.

5. Feign narcolepsy
Be sure to immediately fall asleep upon seating. Open your mouth just a bit to mimic REM sleep. Furrow your brows. This gives the impression that you are having a really bad dream and that if someone disturbs you, they will be bitten.

6. Be surprised when you have to pay
When the conductor comes calling, do the same thing you do when your credit card bill arrives in the mail–ignore it. Claim you didn’t realize that you have to pay. And when you attempt to get your money be sure to try all pockets. Don’t let the conductor hear any change rattling in your pocket or they will know you have money. You might also want to say that you ‘had’ your ticket but you lost it. Conductors never hear that and believe it every time.

7. Pass the time with a phone call–or six
Nothing passes the time like a phone call to your buddy. Make sure you recount how wasted you were the night before and how you scored with that chick at the bar. Glance a few times at fellow passengers to see if they had a similar experience because then you can talk about it between phone calls.

8. Make sure you have everything
Spend the first 20 minutes of your ride rifling through your bag, wallet, purse, backpack, suitcase, McDonald’s bag, fanny pack, or any other carry-on just to make sure that something didn’t fall out when you were deciding whether to go left or right. See that guy sitting behind you? He might have the gum you can’t find.

9. Make a TFF (Train Friend Forever)
Take advantage of the captive audience and find someone else just like you. Get to know that person (intimately, if possible). Talk about personal ailments (preferably communicable diseases) and how you treat them. Good advice is waiting.

10. Be prepared for exiting
Make sure you ask how many stops until your destination. Do this after every stop. Then get up three stops before yours and wait in the aisle. Be sure to get a good spot in line because the train will leave and you will never have the opportunity to get off. When the doors open, run like hell and don’t look back.

Lance Gerhart lives in Boston and has issues with stupid people. In his spare time, he enjoys laughing at the downtrodden and waiting for the day where corporate America believes that working in the nude is acceptable (and not just on Fridays).

Photo courtesy of Flickr: Diego_3336