Daily Dose of Common Sense

Huffington Post has a great slideshow of the most frivolous lawsuits of all time. The stupidity is mind-numbing, and makes you wonder about humanity in general. The woman who sued McDonald’s for hot coffee is there, but there are plenty more where that came from. Like the woman who sued a haunted house because it was scary. Ummm….duh. Didn’t anyone on this list have a person who could talk some sense in him or her?

Yes, Lindsay, you made the list, too.

According to the Huffington Post, this is a collection of the most absurd warning labels of all time. Included in the slideshow are gems like this one:

Drunk, pregnant, or BOTH?! If you’re both, your spouse really better hope you read the third warning. Anyway, enjoy the slideshow.

A man was caught streaking through a grocery store and gave one of the all-time best answers as to why he was running naked: boredom.

He did, however, wear a face mask. Boredom doesn’t diminish your modesty, apparently.

Most of us watch TV or eat to fight boredom (sometimes both at the same time). Dude, next time turn on Lost and eat a Hostess Twinkie instead of showing your own Twinkie to the neighborhood.

At a Wisconsin zoo on Friday, a woman wanted to feed the bears by hand. (I mean, who doesn’t? They’re all like Winnie the Pooh, right?) She ignored several barriers and warning signs in order to get up close and personal with the bears. Result? She lost several fingers after she was bitten. The woman’s boyfriend was also bitten as he tried to help her.

But this is not even the most disturbing part of the news report:

The woman’s boyfriend was bitten as he tried to pry the bear’s mouth off her hand, but he didn’t lose any fingers. Her 3-year-old granddaughter wasn’t injured.

Yes, that’s right. The woman, through her own stupidity, gets expectedly injured by a bear IN FRONT OF her granddaughter. Way to scar the little one for life, Grandma.

We’ve written about zoo stupidity before, but it really never ceases to amaze us how people purposely cross barriers and restricted areas to get to the wildlife. If you’re this reckless and dumb, you deserve whatever the animals dish out.

“Groundhog Day” is one of my favorite movies. Besides showcasing the brilliant Bill Murray and a great cast of supporting actors (Stephen Tobolowsky, anyone?), it also highlights an animal who doesn’t get much air time outside of February 2nd. Where else but America would we have a famous groundhog like Punxsutawney Phil, the preeminent rodent who predicts the weather each year?

If you haven’t seen the movie to explain it, here’s who we’re talking about:

Every Feb. 2, Phil is the honored guest at an early-morning party at Gobbler’s Knob, a wooded area outside of town where thousands of tourists watch Phil issue his annual weather forecast. As per legend, if Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter; if he does not, there will be an early spring.

Well, PETA wants Phil replaced with an animatronic groundhog. A RoboHog, if you will.

The letter calls it “cruel” to keep groundhogs on display year-round, adding that groundhogs are shy creatures that become stressed when handled by humans or facing large crowds.

Besides being not very practical, the idea is ridiculous. Phil probably has it better than you and I do. He works ONE day a year, and the rest of the time he lazes about getting fat and watching TV (probably…that’s what I’d be doing, anyway). He lives in a pen with three other groundhogs that is heated in the winter and air-conditioned in the summer.

Does PETA think this publicity really makes anyone take them more seriously? For me, it just confirms my suspicions that they are publicity-hound crackpots.

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PETA finds ridiculous ways to grab headlines. “No publicity stunt too low” should be the group’s motto. In true form, PETA members have taken their nonsense to an elementary school in Florida. In protesting the pending arrival of the circus, PETA arranged for a person in a bloody elephant costume to walk around at the end of the school day. Yes, an elephant with a bloody ear. Not surprisingly, the article says the elephant wasn’t a big hit with the kids. (You think?)

PETA’s issue is the treatment of circus elephants, which Ringling Brothers denies:

“We have never been found in violation of the Animal Welfare Act, which overseas the care and treatment of animals including, the Asian elephant.”

Really, PETA? Is traumatizing the children who might attend the circus the best way to accomplish your goal?

[Via MomLogic.com]

How stupid do you need to be in order to shoot bullets into the air for fun? Even if you’ve never heard of Newton or his Law of Gravity, you know if you throw an orange in the air that it will fall back down to the ground. Well, shockingly, bullets work just like oranges. If they go up, they eventually come down. And sometimes innocent people get hurt.

This past NYE in Atlanta, a 4-year old boy was killed at 12:30 AM while sitting in church with his mother. (The fact that a 4-year old was out at 12:30 AM and not home in bed is surely the topic of an upcoming DDOCS post, but I digress….) A gun (likely an AK-47 rifle) had been fired into the air within a 3-mile radius of the church and the boy was a tragic casualty.

Sadly, this incident is not the only example of stray bullets falling from the sky and doing harm. You have to wonder what these shooters are thinking. Do they believe that the bullets will disappear? Or, perhaps be absorbed in the clouds like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon?

I learned about gravity as a kid, mostly through this video. (Another reason why taking Schoolhouse Rock off the air has made future generations less smart.)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb93OZXpFd0

Down, down, down, down, down….gravity.

Is it me, or has 911 become a self-help line? In recent news, there have been some crazy requests called into the hotline that is supposed to be for EMERGENCIES only. For example:

• In November, a Florida man called 911 looking for sex. He claimed it was the only number that would work since his cell minutes ran out.
• A volunteer firefighter in Colorado was just arrested last week for making 48 phony 911 calls. Depressed and suicidal, the woman seemed most interested in monitoring the law enforcement response to her calls.
• A Texas woman called 911 to report that her husband wouldn’t eat his dinner. She has also called the emergency line to report her dogs missing or that she couldn’t find her clothes.
• Today, a mom in Boston called 911 because her son would not stop playing video games. Police responded and were able to convince the child to go to sleep.

It seems that some people have lost the ability to judge what is an emergency. I was taught that 911 should only be used in a life-threatening situation. Minor injuries, routine medical check-ups, parental assistance, and loneliness don’t count.

This article has a great discussion of the increasing abuse of the 911 system:

If you call 911 because your toilet is overflowing, the fire department will come. Call 911 because you’re lonely, the fire department comes. If you call 911 but call back to say you changed your mind, it’s too late.

The fire department will come.

“We err on the side of responding,” [Lt. Jake Nyhart of St. Petersburg Fire Rescue] said. “That one time you miss a real call and someone dies, you’re liable.”

Some communities have carried out 911-awareness campaigns to educate the public on when it is appropriate (or not appropriate) to contact emergency services. According to the article, these sorts of efforts generally only increase the number of non-emergency calls to 911.

The unfortunate part is that these trips cost money, sometimes three or four hundred dollars a pop. And, since it’s taxpayer money at work, that means you and I are on the hook for it. I think anyone who calls 911 for a non-emergency situation should be issued a bill. They should be expected to pay back their frivolous waste of taxpayer money. Then, perhaps they would think twice about calling the next time a non-emergency occurs.

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Some residents of Big Spring, Texas didn’t appreciate one man’s holiday decorations. The man has a statue of Michelangelo’s David in his front lawn. For laughs and holiday cheer, he dressed David up in a Santa hat and beard, which caused some parents to complain. They claim their kids were asking “Why is Santa naked?”

After complaints, the homeowner covered the statue’s bait and tackle with boxer shorts, which you can see here in this photo.

Parents can’t explain to kids that it’s not really Santa and that it’s a replica of a famous statue? Come on, people! Lighten up.

You know, living in a place called BIG SPRING, these townspeople should have appreciated the joke.

[Via PatsPapers.com]

Photo: BETSY BLANEY/The Associated Press

Here are some more absurd product warnings and instructions.

Cardboard windshield sun shade:
Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.

Infant’s bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman’s Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use in shower.

Hair Dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

Hand-held Massaging Device:
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.