Daily Dose of Common Sense

We love Yahoo’s Odd News here in our house. I think this next collection of AP headlines from today is possibly the greatest group ever to pop up. Here they are, in the original sequence:

Police: Man calls 911 about mom taking his beer

Man punched while calling 911 to report punch

Police: Man accidentally shoots self in testicles

Ohio woman finds groundhog hiding under car hood

NJ teen admits defecating in classmate’s soda

Random, senseless and absurd–everything we love!

Have you ever said, “Wow, I love my new DS game!”? Or, “That ride is awesome. I love it!”? Yes, at some time or another, you have expressed love for some inanimate object. But, being a rational person, you knew that didn’t actually mean LOVE love. Well, some folks can’t understand the difference and have actually married an inanimate object.

Here is a slideshow of the weirdest cases of people marrying inanimate objects. A pillow, Nintendo DS game, roller coaster ride, Eiffel Tower…all the levels of craziness are represented.

Being single can be tough. Between bars, online dating, and getting set up through friends, it’s sometimes hard to meet compatible partners. But, if you’re considering marrying an inanimate object, I offer this advice: DON’T! It’s better to be alone than to be with the Berlin Wall, isn’t it? I mean, what kind of companionship and comfort can a rock offer? Can you dance with a rock at weddings? Can the rock get you a snack from the fridge in the middle of the night? Can the rock pick you up from the airport? (And I don’t mean The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, who can obviously do all of those things if you know the right people.)

The plus side with an inanimate object, I guess, is that you don’t have to argue over petty things, like control of the remote or whose turn it is to do the dishes. Seems like a small victory in order to live in Crazytown.

A drunk man in Pennsylvania tried to resuscitate a dead opossum. Yes, the man was seen giving mouth-to-mouth to roadkill.

It is hard to believe that this needs to be said, but here are three quick rules.

First, don’t try to revive animals on the side of the road.

Second, any dead animals on the side of the road should be left alone.

Third, if you are so drunk that if you try to revive roadkill, please check yourself into rehab.

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If it’s between this and flowers for Valentine’s Day… FLOWERS! Dear god, let it be flowers.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPoDIhTRo1k

[Via MomLogic]

This is one product I don’t get at all. AT ALL. Hanging a scrotum from your car bumper…what exactly is that supposed to symbolize?

Slap a pair of these flesh nuts on any kind of vehicle. You will certainly show the world who owns the road.

I guess that about sums it up.

While I am not offended at the site of a pair of balls, it’s not really what I want to stare at while I’m sitting in traffic. Besides, the idea just seems goofy. What would prompt someone to buy this product? The site claims they are good gag gifts, and I suppose that is true as long as you don’t actually PUT THEM ON YOUR CAR. Have some dignity, people.

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When was the last time a movie made you want to commit suicide? (Note: sitting through AI doesn’t count because *everyone* was suicidal after that movie.) Well, after seeing ‘Avatar,’ some moviegoers became depressed and suicidal because–Spoiler Alert!–the world depicted in the movie isn’t real. Gasp! What?!

From CNN.com:

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

One ‘Avatar’ fan had this to say:

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ “

GET A GRIP, people! I wanted to live in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but you didn’t hear me boo-hooing about it. In simple terms: here’s the line; on one side is reality, and on the other side is what you see in movies and on television. See the difference now?

Photo: CNN/Getty Images
[Thanks to Christine L. for the link!]

Has the world gone mad?

This photo was taken by my friend at the mall. Yes, those are dogs sitting in a stroller, while being pushed around at the mall. I hate seeing dogs carried in purses, but I hate this even more.

This is deranged. I don’t care how much of an animal lover you are. If you’re doing this, GET HELP.

[Thanks to Audrey for the photo!]

Is your child dressing up as a witch this year? What about a gypsy? Or, perhaps as Darth Maul from Star Wars? Well, some schools and communities might take issue with these costumes. Around the country, there is a growing movement to eliminate “scary” or “inappropriate” costumes.

Guns, daggers and other toy weapons have long been excised from costumes at many school celebrations on Halloween. But in some classrooms across the country, the interpretation of what is too scary–or offensive, gross or saddening–is now also leading to an abundance of caution and some prohibitions.

First, you have to wonder what the motivation is here. Halloween began as a Celtic tradition where, “their purpose was to disguise oneself as a harmful spirit and thus avoid harm.” So, traditional costumes began as monsters, vampires, witches, devils, or skeletons. Does the desire to eliminate any “scary” costume come from a Christian religious contingent, whereby some devoutly religious believe that Halloween is a satanic holiday?

Second, can’t we just let kids wear what they want?

Restricting toy weapons makes some sense, as it is a safety issue. However, who is responsible for determining which costumes are too scary, offensive, gross, or sad? When someone starts making those kinds of judgements, next thing you know the only costume allowed will be a fruit or vegetable. “Ohhhh, that turnip is so scary!” Will a beet be acceptable, or does the red color make it offensive?

(Is this just a ploy by the Veggie Tale people, whose “mission is to enhance the spiritual and moral fabric of society through creative media.” Back off, religious broccoli!)

Parents and some educators said that restrictions like those at Riverside Drive often stemmed from a desire to protect smaller children from freakishly scary costumes, to maintain classroom order (spray-on hair color is often banned, for instance, because children tend to spray it all day long) and to keep from demeaning groups through costumes that play on stereotypes.

Parents should be able to use discretion when it comes to their child’s costume. Do I believe Freddy Krueger is an appropriate costume for a little kid? No. But, I wouldn’t call the Halloween police on the kid, either.

How is that sexy costumes for girls are becoming more prevalent and “scary” costumes are getting a bum rap?

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No, this headline was not from The Onion. The readers of AskMen.com have voted Don Draper–of AMC’s Mad Men–the most influential man of 2009.

Handsome? Yes. Nice dresser? You bet. But most influential man?! This is a fictional character, people. How is he even in the running?

I love Mad Men. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an amazing show. However, Draper’s character isn’t exactly squeaky clean. He stole another man’s identity and began another life, where he fathered three children with a woman he hasn’t been faithful to. Yes, he’s an ad genius. That’s about all Draper’s character does right. Is this what some people aspire to these days?

Last year, the winner in the AskMen poll was Barack Obama. A real person who also happens to be the President. (He’s fallen to #3 on this year’s list.)

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[Thanks, Asylum]

Here’s an amazingly stupid ad campaign. It’s from Jameson Brewery in Australia. And, yes, that’s “Ho White” and her seven dwarfs, which have names like Randy and Filthy. [See the ad in a larger size here, including Ho White's cleavage.]

Did the beer company really think Disney would let this one slip by? {shakes head} Well, the Mouse House stopped this campaign in its tracks.

[Thanks, AdFreak!]