We love Yahoo’s Odd News here in our house. I think this next collection of AP headlines from today is possibly the greatest group ever to pop up. Here they are, in the original sequence:

Police: Man calls 911 about mom taking his beer

Man punched while calling 911 to report punch

Police: Man accidentally shoots self in testicles

Ohio woman finds groundhog hiding under car hood

NJ teen admits defecating in classmate’s soda

Random, senseless and absurd–everything we love!

Huffington Post has a great slideshow of the most frivolous lawsuits of all time. The stupidity is mind-numbing, and makes you wonder about humanity in general. The woman who sued McDonald’s for hot coffee is there, but there are plenty more where that came from. Like the woman who sued a haunted house because it was scary. Ummm….duh. Didn’t anyone on this list have a person who could talk some sense in him or her?

Yes, Lindsay, you made the list, too.

Last month, a German teacher jumped in the polar bear exhibit at the Berlin Zoo and took a swim. The result? Polar bear attack.

This episode continues a bizarre pattern in recent years of inappropriate behavior at zoos. People seem to have forgotten that these are WILD animals. Last November, a student was bitten by a panda bear in China because he was attempting to hug the animal. In 2007, a 15-year old boy jumped into the panda exhibit in the Beijing Zoo, only to have the bear bite him severely on both legs.

Obviously, no one is glad that these people were injured. But some folks have clearly forgotten that polar bears and panda bears, while cute, are still BEARS.

It’s sad that zoos need to not only think about keeping the wild animals in but also the crazy zoo visitors OUT.

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A drunk man in Pennsylvania tried to resuscitate a dead opossum. Yes, the man was seen giving mouth-to-mouth to roadkill.

It is hard to believe that this needs to be said, but here are three quick rules.

First, don’t try to revive animals on the side of the road.

Second, any dead animals on the side of the road should be left alone.

Third, if you are so drunk that if you try to revive roadkill, please check yourself into rehab.

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At a Wisconsin zoo on Friday, a woman wanted to feed the bears by hand. (I mean, who doesn’t? They’re all like Winnie the Pooh, right?) She ignored several barriers and warning signs in order to get up close and personal with the bears. Result? She lost several fingers after she was bitten. The woman’s boyfriend was also bitten as he tried to help her.

But this is not even the most disturbing part of the news report:

The woman’s boyfriend was bitten as he tried to pry the bear’s mouth off her hand, but he didn’t lose any fingers. Her 3-year-old granddaughter wasn’t injured.

Yes, that’s right. The woman, through her own stupidity, gets expectedly injured by a bear IN FRONT OF her granddaughter. Way to scar the little one for life, Grandma.

We’ve written about zoo stupidity before, but it really never ceases to amaze us how people purposely cross barriers and restricted areas to get to the wildlife. If you’re this reckless and dumb, you deserve whatever the animals dish out.

This week, a killer whale–which had already been involved in two deaths–killed a trainer at Sea World in Orlando in front of a crowd.

Now, I’m not going to go all PETA on your ass and start ranting about animals in captivity. My kids like to see the bears, elephants, and cows at the zoo as much as the next person. What doesn’t make sense is this is an animal who was involved in other deadly incidents. First a trainer was killed in 1991 and then a gatecrasher was found lying on top of the animal in 1999. In each case, it appeared the whale thought humans were toys.

How “dangerous” does an animal need to be before we decide it’s not worth the human life to keep it in captivity? I’m sure the orca show at Sea World is a big draw. And, the trainers are experienced and careful. But, when animals are prone to attack, is it really a good idea to keep them around? Here’s how a witness described the event:

Another audience member, Victoria Biniak, told WKMG-TV the whale “took off really fast in the tank, and then he came back, shot up in the air, grabbed the trainer by the waist and started thrashing around, and one of her shoes flew off.”

Yikes.

Here are some of our favorite brief Web stories from this week.

Some people had common sense.

• The city of Boston dismissed thousands of tickets and tow fines for people who were issued violations while preparing for a storm that never came. The city had declared a snow emergency in expectation of the big storm cutting up the eastern seaboard. Stay classy, Boston.
• A 5-year old girl in Indiana called 911 when her dad experienced chest pains. She remained calm and stayed on the line for nearly ten minutes. She is now credited with saving her dad’s life.

And, some did not.

• Southwest Airlines kicked Kevin Smith off a flight for being too fat. Smith claims he fits between the two arm rests, which is the test of whether a person is too large for their seat. Huge PR nightmare for Southwest Airlines because Smith is a celebrity. I ask why the airlines even let him board in the first place, instead of kicking him off once on the plane?
• New toy: Fisher Price’s Bigfoot the Monster. It’s cute in a Muppet-gone-bad kind of way, but do we really want to encourage children to believe in this nonsense?

There’s a problem in the Florida Everglades that has nothing to do with climate change or the depletion of habitat. The problem is from pet owners who buy snakes they don’t know anything about, and then dump the snakes out in the swamp when they get too difficult to handle. The animals are then free to disrupt the ecosystem.

Wildlife biologists say the troublesome invaders — dumped in the Everglades by pet owners who no longer want them — have become a pest and pose a significant threat to endangered species like the wood stork and Key Largo woodrat.

Two types of non-native pythons are taking over the Everglades: the Burmese python and the African rock python. These snakes proliferate quickly, laying 50 to 100 eggs at a time, and experts say there may be as many as 150,000 of them in the area. The pythons have no predators in their new environment, so they can pretty much run roughshod over the local wildlife.

Not to mention a Florida resident who owned a Burmese python, only to have it escape and strangle his girlfriend’s two-year old daughter one night in 2009. A tragedy that could have been avoided with a little common sense.

Obviously, you shouldn’t buy pets you don’t understand or know anything about. Unless you have a full-time experienced keeper on hand, it’s irresponsible to keep exotic pets. But, even WORSE is to dump the animal out in the wilderness once it’s no longer any fun. Especially when you don’t know what the repercussions might be to the environment. At least give the animal to a local zoo.

“Groundhog Day” is one of my favorite movies. Besides showcasing the brilliant Bill Murray and a great cast of supporting actors (Stephen Tobolowsky, anyone?), it also highlights an animal who doesn’t get much air time outside of February 2nd. Where else but America would we have a famous groundhog like Punxsutawney Phil, the preeminent rodent who predicts the weather each year?

If you haven’t seen the movie to explain it, here’s who we’re talking about:

Every Feb. 2, Phil is the honored guest at an early-morning party at Gobbler’s Knob, a wooded area outside of town where thousands of tourists watch Phil issue his annual weather forecast. As per legend, if Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter; if he does not, there will be an early spring.

Well, PETA wants Phil replaced with an animatronic groundhog. A RoboHog, if you will.

The letter calls it “cruel” to keep groundhogs on display year-round, adding that groundhogs are shy creatures that become stressed when handled by humans or facing large crowds.

Besides being not very practical, the idea is ridiculous. Phil probably has it better than you and I do. He works ONE day a year, and the rest of the time he lazes about getting fat and watching TV (probably…that’s what I’d be doing, anyway). He lives in a pen with three other groundhogs that is heated in the winter and air-conditioned in the summer.

Does PETA think this publicity really makes anyone take them more seriously? For me, it just confirms my suspicions that they are publicity-hound crackpots.

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PETA finds ridiculous ways to grab headlines. “No publicity stunt too low” should be the group’s motto. In true form, PETA members have taken their nonsense to an elementary school in Florida. In protesting the pending arrival of the circus, PETA arranged for a person in a bloody elephant costume to walk around at the end of the school day. Yes, an elephant with a bloody ear. Not surprisingly, the article says the elephant wasn’t a big hit with the kids. (You think?)

PETA’s issue is the treatment of circus elephants, which Ringling Brothers denies:

“We have never been found in violation of the Animal Welfare Act, which overseas the care and treatment of animals including, the Asian elephant.”

Really, PETA? Is traumatizing the children who might attend the circus the best way to accomplish your goal?

[Via MomLogic.com]