Daily Dose of Common Sense

Alert: another wacky product idea! Here’s one that guarantees to help you “maintain your dignity” while you wipe. It’s called the Comfort Wipe, and it’s basically a long plastic wand you insert your toilet paper in to:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM

Toilet paper is “archaic?” Huh? The ad says TP hasn’t been improved upon since the 1880s. I’m pretty sure the people at Charmin would disagree. In fact, there have been several improvements and variations in TP over that first version. These include a coating of wax or aloe to reduce roughness, two-ply paper, a slight texture to provide some durability and softness, and more. So, I think we can agree that toilet paper is as advanced as we’ve ever seen.

The CW is aimed at two groups of people: First, those who have a loss of range of motion, and second, those who hate to touch toilet paper SO much that they need a big ‘ol plastic stick to do it for them. If you’re in the first group, fine. I can see how you would not want to call a friend or partner for help with wiping every single time you do your business. A drag, for sure. But, if you fall into the second category, I can only hope I’m not nearby when you snap and head for a bell tower with a shotgun. Is there anyone who can’t stand to touch toilet paper? If your OCD is this debilitating, you have a whole host of bigger problems than wiping your behind.

So, if you’re in a cast or recently had surgery on your shoulder, this product may make some sense. If you’re anyone else ordering this, get help immediately!

[Thanks to Paul P. for the link!]

We love Yahoo’s Odd News here in our house. I think this next collection of AP headlines from today is possibly the greatest group ever to pop up. Here they are, in the original sequence:

Police: Man calls 911 about mom taking his beer

Man punched while calling 911 to report punch

Police: Man accidentally shoots self in testicles

Ohio woman finds groundhog hiding under car hood

NJ teen admits defecating in classmate’s soda

Random, senseless and absurd–everything we love!

Today’s post is courtesy of Cherie Strand, an occupational therapist and world traveler from Idaho.

Just because a hotel SERVES breakfast does not mean it is your home kitchen.

My family has the opportunity to travel quite a bit because we live in the witness protection program in rural Idaho. Well, maybe not the WPP, but we do live about 3 hours away from an airport, Target, Walmart, Costco and doctors. (No kidding.) So, we do frequent overnight trips to stock up on things.

We love that many hotels have a hot breakfast included in the stay. Many are very well apportioned–everything from cheese omelets, bacon, hot and cold cereal, pastries, waffles, fresh fruit, yogurt, etc. Budget hotels have moved way beyond the stale danish that they used to offer. And, this is especially nice for families as it saves the time and money of taking kids to a “real” restaurant.

On the flip side, over the past 12 years, we have noticed more and more people take this breakfast offer a little too casually. Some folks appear in the breakfast area in their pajamas, hair completely uncombed (clearly) and often without shoes (despite signs saying proper attire and footwear required). It used to be just small kids that looked as if they were plucked straight from bed and brought down to the communal breakfast. Now, it is the entire family.

Whether it’s 7 AM or 9:30 AM, it is common now to see a grown man and woman with their three or four children, all still in PJs, slippers (or barefoot) and looking exactly as if they rolled out of bed and came right on down to the breakfast area. The rest of us try to keep down our breakfasts while treated to what these folks really look like without any semblance of morning hygiene–no imagination necessary! It is not as if we are eating at 5 AM and expecting everyone to be there in suits (which, incidentally IS the case because the business men and women are up early, dressed, and ready to go).

So, would you waltz into a restaurant like that? (Well, yes, because I have seen that too, but mostly from teenagers and college kids.) I do NOT want to see you or your family with bed head, pajamas, bare feet or ratty slippers. It takes about 10 minutes to get kids up and pull their hair back and get dressed yourself. You can even use your room coffeemaker in the meantime to have a cup of coffee to get geared up for all that work it takes just to put on regular clothing. Asking for a little courtesy while strangers are eating breakfast doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it?

I don’t want to see your toe jam while I’m trying to eat my jam on toast.

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Mother necessity, where would we be without your inventions? Well, we’d be looking at a product called NewSeat. This is a disposable seat cover that fits over chairs at movie theaters, weddings, convention halls, meeting rooms…basically anywhere that might have a seat that doesn’t meet your OCD standards.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7m8IMOxiTs

Me, if I see a chair with schmutz on it, I just choose another seat. But, that’s me.

[Via the fine folks at You Just Made My List!]

At the top of the “Things I Better Not Ever Receive as a Gift” list is the Better Marriage Blanket. While the name may imply a blanket that gives you more hours in the day or more patience for your spouse, the real purpose is to absorb farts. I know you’re thinking this is an SNL commercial parody, but it’s a real product to eliminate bedtime odors.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxVhqkF9KgU

If your intestinal distress is so awful that you need to buy this blanket, then you need to sleep alone.

[Via the fine folks at AdWeek]

How awesome is this bathroom sign?

I wish all bathrooms had such a direct, to-the-point message. No one wants to see your hair, pee, or WORSE after you’re done doing your business. And, for those of you who think only men’s rooms are disgusting…you are wrong! Women’s bathrooms are gross, gross, gross, too.

Clean up after yourselves!

(Thanks to Dean Cameron for the photo.)

I’m a big fan of going to baseball games. There’s nothing quite like sitting in the warm summer air with a hot dog and some Cracker Jack. Oh, and watching the game, of course. Imagine a dad’s horror when, during a family outing with his daughters to a Philly’s game this week, they were purposely barfed on.

Yes, barfed on. An unruly fan, Matthew Clemmens of South Jersey, put his fingers down his throat and threw up all over the man’s daughter. This was after Clemmens and his friend had been spitting at the girls.

The revolting display followed several innings’ worth of slurred curses, spilled beer and spit that Clemmens and another man directed at Vangelo, his two daughters and one of their friends, said Philadelphia police spokesman Lt. Frank Vanore.

Is this what our country has become? Where we’re spitting and vomiting on each other for laughs?

Then, the barfer had the nerve to physically attack the dad, who is a cop. Unbelievably, the dad didn’t fight back because he didn’t want to get arrested or detained anywhere away from his kids. This, of course, is the right, responsible thing to do, but I can’t say I would have been able to restrain myself. If anyone deserves a serious beat-down, it’s someone who spits and barfs on other people.

[Via the fine folks at Pat's Papers]

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A man was caught streaking through a grocery store and gave one of the all-time best answers as to why he was running naked: boredom.

He did, however, wear a face mask. Boredom doesn’t diminish your modesty, apparently.

Most of us watch TV or eat to fight boredom (sometimes both at the same time). Dude, next time turn on Lost and eat a Hostess Twinkie instead of showing your own Twinkie to the neighborhood.

A drunk man in Pennsylvania tried to resuscitate a dead opossum. Yes, the man was seen giving mouth-to-mouth to roadkill.

It is hard to believe that this needs to be said, but here are three quick rules.

First, don’t try to revive animals on the side of the road.

Second, any dead animals on the side of the road should be left alone.

Third, if you are so drunk that if you try to revive roadkill, please check yourself into rehab.

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I don’t understand really long fingernails.

How can you accomplish anything quickly with long talons at the end of your fingers. Every day, you use your hands to grab, touch, sign, collect, wash…whatever. Long nails only get in the way. And, I’m not talking long nails. I’m talking about loooong nails.

In 2008, a woman made media headlines when she complained that the iPhone’s touch screen was hard to use with long fingernails. She even went as far as to call Apple “misogynistic.” I guess cutting her nails was out of the question. Instead, let’s just expect the product manufacturer to redesign the mousetrap to accommodate us. Makes sense, right? (I’d like an iPhone that will also clean bathrooms. Let me know when it’s ready.)

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