Daily Dose of Common Sense

Last month, a German teacher jumped in the polar bear exhibit at the Berlin Zoo and took a swim. The result? Polar bear attack.

This episode continues a bizarre pattern in recent years of inappropriate behavior at zoos. People seem to have forgotten that these are WILD animals. Last November, a student was bitten by a panda bear in China because he was attempting to hug the animal. In 2007, a 15-year old boy jumped into the panda exhibit in the Beijing Zoo, only to have the bear bite him severely on both legs.

Obviously, no one is glad that these people were injured. But some folks have clearly forgotten that polar bears and panda bears, while cute, are still BEARS.

It’s sad that zoos need to not only think about keeping the wild animals in but also the crazy zoo visitors OUT.

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Have you ever said, “Wow, I love my new DS game!”? Or, “That ride is awesome. I love it!”? Yes, at some time or another, you have expressed love for some inanimate object. But, being a rational person, you knew that didn’t actually mean LOVE love. Well, some folks can’t understand the difference and have actually married an inanimate object.

Here is a slideshow of the weirdest cases of people marrying inanimate objects. A pillow, Nintendo DS game, roller coaster ride, Eiffel Tower…all the levels of craziness are represented.

Being single can be tough. Between bars, online dating, and getting set up through friends, it’s sometimes hard to meet compatible partners. But, if you’re considering marrying an inanimate object, I offer this advice: DON’T! It’s better to be alone than to be with the Berlin Wall, isn’t it? I mean, what kind of companionship and comfort can a rock offer? Can you dance with a rock at weddings? Can the rock get you a snack from the fridge in the middle of the night? Can the rock pick you up from the airport? (And I don’t mean The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, who can obviously do all of those things if you know the right people.)

The plus side with an inanimate object, I guess, is that you don’t have to argue over petty things, like control of the remote or whose turn it is to do the dishes. Seems like a small victory in order to live in Crazytown.

I’m a big fan of going to baseball games. There’s nothing quite like sitting in the warm summer air with a hot dog and some Cracker Jack. Oh, and watching the game, of course. Imagine a dad’s horror when, during a family outing with his daughters to a Philly’s game this week, they were purposely barfed on.

Yes, barfed on. An unruly fan, Matthew Clemmens of South Jersey, put his fingers down his throat and threw up all over the man’s daughter. This was after Clemmens and his friend had been spitting at the girls.

The revolting display followed several innings’ worth of slurred curses, spilled beer and spit that Clemmens and another man directed at Vangelo, his two daughters and one of their friends, said Philadelphia police spokesman Lt. Frank Vanore.

Is this what our country has become? Where we’re spitting and vomiting on each other for laughs?

Then, the barfer had the nerve to physically attack the dad, who is a cop. Unbelievably, the dad didn’t fight back because he didn’t want to get arrested or detained anywhere away from his kids. This, of course, is the right, responsible thing to do, but I can’t say I would have been able to restrain myself. If anyone deserves a serious beat-down, it’s someone who spits and barfs on other people.

[Via the fine folks at Pat's Papers]

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In the land of the free, it’s always surprising to me that any book would be banned. But, we’ve all heard stories about towns and schools that refuse to lend such books as Huck Finn or “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.” (We wouldn’t want young people reading tamer language than they hear on the street every day, or learning about those pesky women’s issues.) There are other books, however, than have been banned at one time or another that may surprise you.

Oh, like, THE DICTIONARY. Various schools have banned it over the years because of definitions that were deemed inappropriate for kids.

But, my favorite banned book story, by far, is of “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?” by Bill Martin, Jr. If you don’t have kids, you may not know this simple children’s book that emphasizes color and animals. According to the Huffington Post:

This beloved children’s book was banned in January 2010 by the Texas Board of Education because the author has the same name as an obscure Marxist theorist, and no one bothered to check if they were actually the same person.

Really, Texas? First, how much of a threat are obscure Marxist theories? I’m guessing not much. Second, no one bothered to look at the book titles that were being banned? Way to go that extra mile for your school children!

NO book should ever be banned. Let them be read, I say! You can’t shield people from ideas, language, and images just because you don’t like them. That’s censorship, and it’s just plain wrong. Not to mention illegal in some circumstances.

The law requires that if a book is to be removed, an inquiry must be made as to the motivation and intention of the party calling for its removal. If the party’s intention is to deny students access to ideas with which the party disagrees, it is a violation of the First Amendment.

Hey school boards and libraries: Let parents, teachers, and students decide what books are appropriate for reading. Restricting access to a book only brings more attention to it anyway. And, if you think the kids aren’t sneaking and passing banned books around behind your back, you’re wrong. Instead of banning it, you’d be better off having a dialogue with your kids after they have read the book about why you disagree with the author.

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The Consumerist has a funny tale of someone who tested an iPad at Best Buy, checked his email, and walked away while still logged in to his mail account. Lucky for him, the next person was a good samaritan and, instead of causing havoc, just logged out for the unknown person.

The good samaritan sent a pretty funny email to the person, and cc:d The Consumerist:

You decided to try out an iPad at your local best buy. But guess what? You logged into the mail app on a publicly used test product and didn’t log out?!?!?!?

This time a good citizen has decided to alert you of your mistake. I will also be kind and log you out Be aware and use some common sense the next time.

If you have the opportunity to test a wireless device in a store, go ahead and check your email. Just remember to LOG OUT when you’re done. That is, unless, for some reason, you want strangers reading your email, having access to your personal information and contacts.

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You know how you can’t even sneak a bottle of water through airport security? Well, two British women thought they could get a dead guy past security. Sounds like something straight out of Weekend at Bernie’s, but it’s true.

The BBC and other British media reported that the women placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin.

Boy, those two women are ballsy. Either that, or they are secretly filming a British sitcom with plenty of high-jinx and hilarity.

These days, airport security is an invasive process: No shoes, no metals, no liquids, no coats, etc. And it’s only getting worse. Attempting to sneak a dead person through is a really, really, bad idea. (Especially when you can just take a train instead.)

According to the Huffington Post, this is a collection of the most absurd warning labels of all time. Included in the slideshow are gems like this one:

Drunk, pregnant, or BOTH?! If you’re both, your spouse really better hope you read the third warning. Anyway, enjoy the slideshow.

Proving that just because you can make a sign doesn’t mean you can spell, someone has started a Flickr account called, “Teabonics.” These are photos of actual signs seen at Tea Party events around the country. It’s genius.

No matter where you stand on the issue, folks, make sure you spell check your protest signs. Misspellings just make you look like an idiot.

[Via the fine folks at BoingBoing]

A man was caught streaking through a grocery store and gave one of the all-time best answers as to why he was running naked: boredom.

He did, however, wear a face mask. Boredom doesn’t diminish your modesty, apparently.

Most of us watch TV or eat to fight boredom (sometimes both at the same time). Dude, next time turn on Lost and eat a Hostess Twinkie instead of showing your own Twinkie to the neighborhood.

A drunk man in Pennsylvania tried to resuscitate a dead opossum. Yes, the man was seen giving mouth-to-mouth to roadkill.

It is hard to believe that this needs to be said, but here are three quick rules.

First, don’t try to revive animals on the side of the road.

Second, any dead animals on the side of the road should be left alone.

Third, if you are so drunk that if you try to revive roadkill, please check yourself into rehab.

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